20 year old brother

20 year old brother

ConfusedandScared's picture
2 answers

I have a 20 year old brother that started using spice a couple of years ago. I told my parents last year and they tried to interven he would stop using it for a while then he would start again. He said he was going to stop but when my cousin started coming over they would both smoke in his room. My parents dont know what to do because after they confronted my brother he got really upset he walked out of the house and later came back all high. He has recently talked about that why do people live, where do we go after death and this is making me scared. Because he temper has gotten even worse. he says he hates my dad which i dont know why if he has provided him everything since he was little. My father doesnt drink, he doesnt do drugs or go out with his friends. He always is with our family.
He has now moved from spice to marijuana and my famliy has no idea what to do. Since he 20 my parent cant tell him what to do. but what should we do every night we go to sleep we lock our doors and block it. The strange thing is that he only has these tantrums when hes at home but when goes with family members or family members come over he acts like nothing is wrong but once they leave he gets upset starts throwing things around yelling.

Answers

Olivia's picture

Dear ConfusedandScared,

We’re here for you.  It sounds you’re concerned about your brother’s health and safety.  And from what you described it seems like you have a right to be.  You mention that he’s moved on from using spice to marijuana and has temper tantrums frequently.  On top of that, you’re afraid that he may be having suicidal thoughts. 

Please know you are not alone. Many siblings are facing the same issues all across the country. It is not easy to tell a loved one that they have a problem.  Don't let your brother’s denial keep you from talking with him. If he continues using, he could face serious consequences like getting caught or arrested, getting suspended, or more severely, getting involved in a drug or alcohol-related car crash or becoming dependent.

Most of us don't enjoy conflict, particularly with someone we care about. When discussing difficult subjects with a sibling, it is just as important to consider how you say something as it is to decide what to say. Our words are very powerful, especially to our loved ones. A supportive, caring tone usually goes much farther than the judgmental approach. If you are discussing a serious topic, such as drug and alcohol use, you should keep the following points in mind:

Privacy. No one likes their dirty laundry exposed. Discuss important issues in a private place where no one is likely to overhear the details of your conversation.

Positive Messages. Always remember to include some type of positive message before or after expressing an opinion that a loved one might perceive as "critical." This will help to remind them that you are expressing yourself out of care and concern. For example, "You are my brother and one of my favorite people on the planet. But I feel like your drug use is changing the person I know and love." If you're not the type that can express these types of feelings easily, think about sending an e-card or writing an old-fashioned handwritten note.

Research. Read up on whatever topic you might be discussing with a friend or sibling in need. A little research and specific examples go a long way in discussing tough issues.

Solutions. No one likes it when a person points out a problem but doesn't offer a solution. Even if a solution isn't clear, you can still recommend that your friend talk to a caring adult or health professional. The point you will have made is that you've come to the table with suggestions and ideas for how to improve the situation.

Hope that this helps.  Let us know if you have any additional questions.

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