I need help with my son I know we have to stop helping him
I am ready to fall apart my son has been a drug addict for years now I only found out 3 years ago. He is getting worse went from pain pills to roxycotin and oxycotin and I still believe his lies and try to help him. He has stolen,lied, and is putting us at risk by giving dealers his license to hold till he pays so they have our address. I need to take action but he has a son and the worse part is his x girlfriend who he used with I just found out is doing drugs too. They both quit for awhile or said they did not sure now probally more lies. I have his son here more then half the month now which I am glad he needs us. I also have so much guilt because my husband and I were both alcolics. and I feel that was part of why he has this problem. My husband quit 23 years ago me 13 years with no slips but still feel so much guilt. I know he will die if he does not get help but we have low money and even when he says he needs to go to rehab he does not go to try to get medicaid. Any suggestions would help.
Answers
First off this is NOT your fault, I know you feel guilty but you can't and have to let that go. As you know NO one made you drink, you did it on your own and you quite on your own and now it's time for your son to do the same.
There are FREE programs out there, the Salvation Army for example. You work for your keep, it's hard and he really has to want to stop.
Drug addicts lie, they will tell you want you want to hear.
I had no clue my son was a drug addict until the police called me tellling me he was in jail and asking for me. I was blind to what was right in front of my face. My son faces 2 felony counts and 3 years in prision unless he is able to complete rehab. The first thing I did was find a rehab and maxed out all my credit cards to pay for it and my son was able to get drugs in the rehab house. He was sent back to jail and then given another chance this time to do out paticent and he failed and wen back to jail and then another chance that in a rehab that I had to cash out my vacation and sick time to pay for and he failed again. I begged the court to give him one last chance and they did, he is now 4 months in and doing well, he knows that if he fails he goes to prison and will never get the felonly charges removed. The Salvation Army has been very good to him, it's HARD work but the best he's been in so far and it's not costing me anything. I don't have anything less to give.
You first have to get your son to see that he needs help and if he won't get help on his own there is nothin you can do but love him and care for his child. You will have people tell you to about Tough Love and I believe in part that is what you have to do, but I will never walk away form my child as long as he is seeking help. I have told him that as long as your trying I will do the same.
My son told me that the worse thing I did was stop living when he got in trouble. He told me that he knows this is hard but I need to relax and find peac or he never will as my child. He said he was a big boy and got himself in this mess he would get himself out. It only took him 9 months to tell me that.
So the long and short of this is you need to get into some counceling and encourge you son to get into a rehab program away from when he uses - get him out of town.
Gook luck and don't for get prayer helps
Sorry for the typo's I dont' spell check anymore
It is not your fault! Your obviously a very caring mother. Have you considered suboxine? Its worth doing some research. It is so difficult for adults, let alone kids to get out of the whole cycle of using because of the terrible withdrawals. I do not believe int eh whole, if they want help they will get it when they are ready. Being under the influence they are not thinking clearly and need help. Get support for yourself. I waited too long and the problem only got bigger.
