Lost

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deniros's picture
26 answers

About one year ago, I realized my son was smoking weed, my husband and I talked with him and he was very confident that he was doing the right thing, that weed is not harmful, that he was not smoking everyday, that before started he had been getting information on the internet etc etc. Well, I told him that I don't approve of drugs, and I did not want drugs in my house and he would have to stop. A few weeks later I started to realize that the wine and other liquors that we had was getting low. One day he forgot his facebook open, and I have no shame to say that I read it, and I realized that he was smoking and drinking at the same time "that he could higher faster". This time I really confronted him and we had a big fight. But he said he was depressed (but I don't why). Later I read again in facebook page that during a sleepover in his friend house they took a lot of of cold medicine pills. Of course during this period some of his privileges were taken away. This week he left his facebook opened again and he was planning to go to a friend's house to smoke because his parents were away. He said something about "vaping", I don't even know what that means. He was always one of the first in his classes, had good grades, but this year his grades were lower than ever. So it is affecting him but he deny it saying that he is just finding school boring. I don't know What else to do, My husband and I work all day, Now is vacation, any of his friends can come home and give him the drugs, even during school year he was getting the drugs there. Please I need advice, I don't know how to talk with him anymore.

Answers

margarel's picture

from what iI understand Vaping is a way to smoke weed. you use less weed, you get higher, you can smoke the leftovers,and theres less odor.
Sounds to me like he wants you to know what is doing. or he just doesn't care. Have him read www.heroinalert.org and see what smoking weed can lead to.

deniros's picture

Actually I think he doesn't care, He thinks that he knows everything. This weekend he was going to a friend house and I knew his parents were not home. So I asked if there were gonna be any adults around and he said "maybe". I told him I wanted a yes or no and I if I could trust him that he was not gonna do anything wrong. He just told me "so I won't go". Meaning, if he went he was gonna smoke. Thanks for answering, is good to talk with someone Margarel. I am gonna read the heroin alert.

MotherWarrior's picture

Your son is engaging in dangerous behavior if he is experimenting with cough medicine and ways to get higher faster and quicker. Sometimes kids who suffer from depression or anxiety or other disorders do drugs to self-medicate. Has he seen a doctor or therapist about his depression? Facilitate that.

In the meantime, don't rely on him to tell you whether parents are home or not. Call them yourself. Start talking to other parents. Tell them what you know about what the kids are doing. Do not keep it a secret. Your loyalty is to your son's health and well-being. Spread your concerns around. You can bet other parents are frightened too. Get together on these issues and make sure the kids are supervised this summer and are busy and have responsibilities and things to do. Raise your voice and sound the alarm over drug use among your son's friends' parents. Some will not want to hear it, but others will. There is some power in adults banding together with knowledge. Pass along this website and the tollfree helpine number.

Good luck.

mkatand's picture

As the parent of a son who started out smoking weed in high school, please get that kid to rehab now. Our 22 yr old is now a heroin addict and in rehab for the 2nd time. He relapsed the day he left one program and is now in another. My son started with weed, then cough syrup, onto hydrocodone, eventually vicodin, next oxycontin, and since zanax wasn't enough, he traded it for heroin. He went away to college (again, we thought he was "okay") and when we picked him up to bring him home after his first year he was having a seizure in his dorm room from the withdrawals from oxycontin. The real decline happened after that. He has had a good life, perhaps too good. We overlooked many things in hopes that this was a "phase" or that he would eventually get over it. We believed that he wasn't high, when he really was. We never believed it was as bad as it was. All the signs were there. Looking back, rehab in high school would have been a good idea. Please do not make the mistake we did. Weed can turn to heroin. Our son is proof.

Best Wishes.

deniros's picture

Thank you Mkatand, Some days I really think I am in denial. I think that maybe it is no that bad.... But when I am at work and know that he is home by himself I worry of what he is doing. When he gets his bike and go for a ride, I ask myself what is he really doing. I worry all the time, I am trying to make him see the danger but he is too "smart", He is not like the others "dumb" kids. There is no talking with him. His cell phone broke and I did not buy another one. No kids are allowed in my home if we are not there. He is does not drive yet, so we take him everywhere. The first time I knew about the cough pills I called all the mothers. They were grateful I think, but the kids hated me, and stopped coming to my house for a while, He started working with me part time, and seems very happy. But deep down I don't trust him anymore and that hurts.

MotherWarrior's picture

You were very courageous in speaking up to the other parents. I would say put him in outpatient rehab, but that is where my son, at 16, was introduced to cocaine. Have you had a chance to check out the book Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening? It helps you understand how you can focus on the positive and take care of yourself.

deniros's picture

Thanks motherwarrior, I bought the book yesterday and I am loving it. Still in the first chapter.
Thank you, it is like you said I need to think about me as well, to do my best for him.

deniro's picture

Well it happened again. We said that we were going to start testing him. Didn't have time to buy the test yet and got him drinking vodka. He kind of "blackmailed" us saying that the weed is what keep him of going to other things. We have a appointment in two days with a counselor. I really pray and hope that it is gonna help him and us.

John420's picture

Let me just say, I appreciate that parents are doing this to benefit their children, but I'm seeing a lot of information that makes me think none of you (including whomever it was that wrote these WebPages) actually know very much about people my age (18). I smoke marijuana regularly, I drink occasionally, and I've had enough experience with harder drugs to know that they aren't for me. What parents should really be concerned about is whether or not your child is informed as to the risks of whatever it is they're doing when they go out with friends. If it were me, I would do my research and show my child why chemical-based drugs (any prescription drug, chemical hallucinogen or narcotic, stimulants, etc.) are to always be avoided. Depending on your stance (which I'm sure I can guess given the nature of this site), you could point out that the presence of chemical drugs doesn't make natural ones okay to use, but I've found that the policy of "If you're going to party, be smart about it" is much more effective than "You have to do what I say, when I say it, and if you disobey me I'll take away all of your legal recreational opportunities." When parents take the latter strategy, it makes the child want to rebel more, and when you're bored, smoking a bowl just to stick it to your parents sounds pretty good.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's drug use. I'm saying that my parents gave up on constantly yelling at me and taking my car when they figured out I was smoking, and the situation only improved from there. I was happier because I felt as if my constant bad mood was instigated by their VERY persistent approach to reminding me they could control my life, and when they left me alone, I started smoking less, I stopped using other drugs, and my grades and relationships started to improve as my attitude did. I still smoke almost every day, but I'm attending my first choice college next semester to pursue an excellent program with education that matters to me, and I have two good jobs, so it looks like weed hasn't wrecked my motivation like everyone said it would. My best friend just got his phd at WKU, and he's one of the people I smoked with most often. People our age are stubborn, so continuing to scream and confront them over something that could be much worse isn't going to help. I have a great relationship with my parents, but I never smoke in front of them because I want to be courteously discreet. They are both aware that I still smoke.

Mind you, not all cases will be just like mine. But, what angers me is that this site promotes behavior like violating your child's privacy over something that, realistically, isn't a huge deal. Yes, any time you smoke anything, it will be carcinogenic to a degree. However, going back to the comment about "vaping," using a vaporizer is mostly for the purpose of removing the cancer risk of inhaling smoke. Whoever told you that it gets you higher was wrong, however it does reduce odor, which is part of the appeal among younger people who don't want to be caught. A side note: there are no health risks to be associated with using a vaporizer, and in fact, marijuana has some health benefits. You should all know, though, that it can have negative impact on brain development ONLY PRIOR TO FULL DEVELOPMENT. I assume most of your children are in their late teens, and haven't been smoking enough to do any damage even if they have yet to develop, mentally, in full.

Last point: some people are merely concerned with the fact that marijuana is illegal in most states on a recreational level. This is a perfectly valid point, and I really have no argument for it. People should obey the law. But let me ask you: how many of you drive a little over the speed limit most of the time? Most people do. On another note, look at the statistics between alcohol- and marijuana-related accidents. Alcohol is SO much more dangerous on all levels, and it remains legal because the government makes money off of it. Please just consider your own reasons for how your regulate your child's behavior, and compliment your child by showing them that you trust their judgment and respect their intelligence. Unless they're smoking crack. Then you can throw them in the dungeon forever.

MotherWarrior's picture

Deniros: How did it go with the counselor? I hope you got a good one. Many do not know much about drug addiction.

John420: Good to see someone who is not a parent contributing. Check out this link to a different part of this website that talks about how the teen brain is not fully developed; that doesn't happen until age 25. Drug and alcohol use interrupt that development: http://teenbrain.drugfree.org/science/behavior.html

I see you are age 18, which is quite a borderline age. If you are 18 your parents have no obligation whatsoever to allow you to live in their home or to support you, so why argue merits of marijuana? If it is not ok with a parent, it needs to be dealt with if you are under a parent's roof, where, I might add, there is no constitutional right to privacy. If under 18, there are consequences. If over 18 and living at home, there are consequences. If going to college on a scholarship from home, the bank of mom and dad, there are consequences.

I hope you don't think that a parent accepting every day marijuana smoking as the lesser evil of consuming drugs and alcohol is the only way the parent can validate their child's intelligent choices. Another way a parent can show their child that they respect their intelligence regarding smoking marijuana is to give them the opportunity to do it under their own roof. If a child wants to be treated as an adult who can make their own choices about smoking marijuana, then that child should have the opportunity to support themselves as an adult and pay for their own college, lodging, food, car, insurance, and drugs.

My parents knew I smoked marijuana in college but they did not support me so it wasn't much of an issue unless i was selling it to my sister. Thankfully, I was not an addict and was able to stop when it began to be stupid to smoke marijuana, like when I was pregnant and then had a baby and was raising a child.

My son however, was not so lucky with the genes. He chose to start smoking marijuana as a young teenager and progressed to smoking it every day. From there it was cocaine, speedballs, oxycodone/contin/roxies, and shooting heroin by the age of 16.

There are reasons to be wary of marijuana. It's hard to know which of your children has the genetic predisposition to be an addict, which has a latent mental illness that marijuana may trigger. If you do smoke marijuana regularly, but are not in danger, ever, of being an addict, or of having a marijuana triggered mental illness surface, you are very lucky. But the bottom line is why does a parent need to put up with marijuana smoking in a perfectly healthy teenager at all? Doesn't matter if it is legal or not.

Get your own crib; pay your own way. The most intelligent thing a non-addict can do is to be responsible for themselves. There is a whole world of permissiveness outside your parents' walls. Enjoy.

John420's picture

"I see you are age 18, which is quite a borderline age. If you are 18 your parents have no obligation whatsoever to allow you to live in their home or to support you, so why argue merits of marijuana? If it is not ok with a parent, it needs to be dealt with if you are under a parent's roof, where, I might add, there is no constitutional right to privacy. If under 18, there are consequences. If over 18 and living at home, there are consequences. If going to college on a scholarship from home, the bank of mom and dad, there are consequences."

I'm arguing the merits of marijuana because I see so many parents going insane when they figure out that their poor baby is smokin' the devil's grass, when in reality, there are very few things to be concerned about. If your child goes out with friends to smoke and spend the night at their house, the night will usually end in everyone sitting on the couch, watching TV, and eating a lot. How terrifying. My point is that there are plenty of reasons to express concern, but very few to support the degree of reaction that I see from a lot of different parents. (However, I would rather see an overreaction than negligence if, for example, a child is doing something dangerous.) I understand that my actions have consequences, I understand the fact that I have no constitutional right to privacy as a minor under my parents' roof, but it's not the legality of their search that bothers me, it's the moral dilemma of invading one's privacy. Maybe the ends justify the means in protecting your child, but the legal right to invade your child's privacy doesn't make the action any less invasive. With freedom of speech, I have every right to walk into a crowded street and scream racial slurs, but that doesn't mean people should do it. Children are people, as well. P.S., my parents aren't paying for me to go to college. I'm not trying to downplay their role in raising and supporting me in just about every other aspect of my life, but I'm tired of people thinking that, because they're twice as old as me, they must also be twice as smart. I see a lot of value in experience, but I don't think the majority of adults realize how ignorant they're being toward younger generations when they demand respect and obedience without giving the same respect and treating the younger person as an equal rather than a servant. That applies to the entire population, not just the parent-child relationship. That being said, the reason I feel entitled to make my own decisions when they don't affect my parents is because I feel that I'm mature and level-headed enough to not be stupid, but the majority of adults seem to think that, for whatever reason, a.) children must be stupid and b.) it doesn't matter if the adult smoked weed when they were younger and turned out fine, it just matters that the child can't handle as much as them (because every person thinks that they're always right and has the best method by which to handle life), so they shouldn't ever smoke. In parents' defense, a lot of them are probably taking the "don't let the child make the same mistakes as me" approach, but that doesn't make it any less aggravating when your parents won't give you any information as to why they are forcing you to behave one way or another. As for my own circumstances, if my parents were really concerned with my habits enough to kick me out, they would have brought the matter up already and I would either be sober or homeless, but neither of those are the case.

"I hope you don't think that a parent accepting every day marijuana smoking as the lesser evil of consuming drugs and alcohol is the only way the parent can validate their child's intelligent choices. Another way a parent can show their child that they respect their intelligence regarding smoking marijuana is to give them the opportunity to do it under their own roof. If a child wants to be treated as an adult who can make their own choices about smoking marijuana, then that child should have the opportunity to support themselves as an adult and pay for their own college, lodging, food, car, insurance, and drugs."

No, I don't think that at all, but obviously as the "child" in the situation I'm going to be biased toward the other children that want to smoke. I would hope that you've also noticed my consideration of the parents' motivation for behaving a certain way to try to lessen the degree of bias. I'm sure you have. Anyway, as a player on this particular team, I also probably have a lot more recent, first-hand experience with the nature of drugs at this time. That doesn't mean that parents don't know what they're talking about, it means that most parents that I know allow their kids to drink underage but not smoke, and I find that to be totally backward, for the reasons I listed in my first comment. I totally agree with the rest of your paragraph, but the unfortunate truth is that most stoners won't quit, most parents won't kick their stoner child out of the house, and most kids can't afford to pay for their essentials AND their drugs. I can't see a situation in which my parents would let me smoke in the house, and yet everything seems to have worked itself out in that I'm not smoking on my parents' property, I'm not using their money to buy weed, and I've been discreet enough to avoid any unwanted attention while I was smoking. I feel as if I'm being respectful of my parents and doing a lot on my own, all things considered, but the case would have been different when I started smoking, which was probably a year or two ago.

"My parents knew I smoked marijuana in college but they did not support me so it wasn't much of an issue unless i was selling it to my sister. Thankfully, I was not an addict and was able to stop when it began to be stupid to smoke marijuana, like when I was pregnant and then had a baby and was raising a child."

I'm not actually aware of anybody who's "addicted" to marijuana. You can have a psychologically based dependency that amounts to little more than "I enjoy getting high," but there are no studies to suggest that the actual plant carries any addictive components. Although, I certainly do have quite the oral fixation, so my main problem is wanted something to smoke on. For this reason, I also smoke tobacco, although I'm trying to get out of that because there's literally no justification for that. It's a waste of money. I'm very happy to hear, though, that you were smart enough to stop smoking during your pregnancy. It's a terrible thing for me to see a pregnant woman smoking anything. Although, fun fact: there was somewhat recent study in Jamaica where they had a group of twenty recently pregnant women. Ten used a vaporizer to enjoy their weed, the others were sober. When the smoke was eliminated from the equation, there were literally no harmful effects to be found in any of the children of the "vapers". I'm not saying you should smoke weed when you're pregnant, but I thought you might find that interesting.

"My son however, was not so lucky with the genes. He chose to start smoking marijuana as a young teenager and progressed to smoking it every day. From there it was cocaine, speedballs, oxycodone/contin/roxies, and shooting heroin by the age of 16."

I'm genuinely sorry to hear that, and I want you to know that I don't mean to offend you or anyone else with this next paragraph. I also don't want to suggest that I know more about the situation than you do, because I don't. But, all of that being said, early teens are still at a pretty impressionable age. Really, given my high school experience, I'm sure everyone is impressionable until well into their life (not that I would know, but look at how the media influences trends and our culture). Point being, how do you know that peer pressure to try other drugs wasn't the gateway factor rather than the actual weed? I never got the idea that I wanted to try one drug based on my experience with another, because that doesn't make sense. I got the idea from my friends and peers that I wanted to try other drugs, and I had a terrible experience with some research chemicals that probably fried my brain to some degree, which is what made me decide to stick with weed. Again, I'm very sorry to hear about your son, I hope that he and the rest of your family are doing well right now.

"There are reasons to be wary of marijuana. It's hard to know which of your children has the genetic predisposition to be an addict, which has a latent mental illness that marijuana may trigger. If you do smoke marijuana regularly, but are not in danger, ever, of being an addict, or of having a marijuana triggered mental illness surface, you are very lucky. But the bottom line is why does a parent need to put up with marijuana smoking in a perfectly healthy teenager at all? Doesn't matter if it is legal or not."

I guess that my friends and I are very lucky. And a parent doesn't "need" to put up with anything. Again, this is all based on the moral standpoint of effectively communicating ideas with your child and influencing them through their own experience rather than dictating how they live their life 24/7. Again, I truly appreciate the way my parents raised me, partially because there was a healthy balance of a.) intervention for my own good and b.) allowance of my own independent development. I love my parents, and would do just about anything for them, but I'm the sort of person that wants to see the merit behind a decision before I obey somebody else, and it seems as if there's more merit to smoking marijuana than not for my own circumstances. Unless, of course, you get arrested; but it's not hard to be discreet. Apparently it does matter if it's legal because a good percentage of parents are going to be more concerned with the legality of usage than the health effects, and that's why I brought up both cases so I didn't look like I was trying to be incredibly one-sided.

"Get your own crib; pay your own way. The most intelligent thing a non-addict can do is to be responsible for themselves. There is a whole world of permissiveness outside your parents' walls. Enjoy."

I plan to. Moving out at the end of August, at which point I'll probably quit smoking because I'll be a broke college student.

John420's picture

Sorry, quick edit: most stoners won't quit just because their parents don't like it.

MotherWarrior's picture

John: You seem to be a thoughtful, intelligent kid and I hope you do well and prosper. I know it is tough at your age to resist peer pressure and make a different choice if your parents require that. It's difficult for my son to have a peer group as a sober male at age 25 when everyone else is smoking pot and drinking. But he is settling for being alive, instead of being high, since it is a miracle he survived. Young people in recovery are a cool group, but many of them are so far behind because of their lost years that they are working their tails off to catch up.

But we digress. Because the issue here is serious for this particular family no matter what you or I think and my objective is to support the original poster on this thread who has a sense that something is not right. When a parent has a gut feeling it is usually more serious than freaking out about pot; it is usually an instinctive reaction to danger to their child so I bet there is more to the story that the son is telling the parent. There always is.

deniro's picture

Motherwarrior, for the first visit it went very well, we will have another session this week. He is more talkative with us now. I don't wanna put my hopes too high, but I am feeling better about it.
John420, I never smoked, but I went to college where a lot of my friends did, and some of them started doing it two three times a day, others went to another heavier drugs. So....yes I do know what weed can do to a teenager that is forming a personality, I know what peer pressure can do to them, and in my kid case if you read everything he is already going to other drugs just to "experiment". Let's talk again in a few years when you have kids with the same problems. I see that you are going to stop now that you are the one paying for the weed... My husband and I worked hard our whole lives to give the "best" we could to our kids, and weed is not included in our list. Thanks for your comments but I love my kid and I will do what I think is right for him. Be happy and in peace.

John420's picture

I appreciate the positive wishes, and I hope everything goes well for you in the future, but please don't act like I don't know what I'm talking about with comments like "Let's talk in a few years when you have kids with the same problems." I understand that I can't relate to everything you're talking about, but that was a little insulting.

MotherWarrior's picture

Great first step to get help from a counselor. Keep adding to your support system.

deniro's picture

john420, I am sorry, I didn't mean to insult you in any way.

John420's picture

I appreciate the confirmation, have a good one.

deniro's picture

Today my son had the third session with the counselor. She said that he should see a Psychiatrist, because maybe he need some medication for his depression. She is gonna suggest a few names and we are gonna take him probably next week, I think it is gonna be good to have another opinion. I am really stressed and depressed right now. I am afraid we are going to change one drug for another. But I need to go and check what he is gonna say.

Hope_825's picture

Deniro:

I have a very similar story than yourself and I'm here to stand by you as I just joined and have found this community of caring people very helpful. My son spiraled quickly and he also vapes, he's only 15. This past year, I have caught him with weed several times. It is clear in my house that I can search his entire room at anytime or anything else, privacy is too responsible adults not to young children, that need to be protected from their choices. He has now confessed to using cough stuff, and basically has experimented to much to soon, and I have taken lots of action and continued to escalate the level of care to no avail. I gave myself a very quick education on marijuana, triple CCC's and spoke to endless professionals, as I am well aware that we have genetics against us, so my son is at very high risk! He has depression, and generalized anxiety disorder with lots of impulsive behavior so he was self medicating. As I said lots of intervention,private counseling, then therapy escalated to intensive outpatient therapy 12 hours a week, the best psychiatrist in my town, even had him volunteer in a summer camp to stay busy, and whatever waking moment he had, either my older daughter or I were home watching him. Since he really wanted his phone, he could only have it if I had the pass code! BEST THING I DID because it's what alerted me that he was not leaving his weed friends and his behavior behind. None of my interventions worked and he continued to relapse in spite of engaging in getting help and more that happy to go! I caution you that if he wants to use he will right under your nose and since basically this is what happened to me, my only option was a residential program.

Every child is different, and I don't know your son, you know him best and kudos for beginning the process of counseling and getting him help for his depression! These interventions in your particular case might be enough, and I hope so. In my research I went as far as to contact a sober living coach and told him my story as I was looking ahead, knowing I probably had a bigger problem on my hands that I anticipated. He asked me what was I waiting for to send him away to a dual diagnosis treatment center? I still hesitated, and gave the intensive outpatient program a try. As the summer is coming to an end, it was obvious that I needed to act further, so as I mentioned he's in treatment. I have to tell you that I agree with Motherwarrior on early intervention and feel my son could be her son if I didn't get him some serious intervention now while young, In my particular situation, there was no time to waste! He was like an out of control helium balloon. Again, you know your son best and your family history, I pray that he will stop and get away from so called friends that aren't really his friends.

Keep us posted on his progress!

Hope_825

MotherWarrior's picture

Thank you for your story Hope.

deniro's picture

Thank you Hope, sharing my story in here and having the feedback of so many caring people that went through the same problem, gives me hope and the sensation that I am not alone, here I can talk freely about everything that is going on without being afraid of "what people are gonna think".
I really wish he stops and get better with his depression.
I will keep posting his progress.

Mike234's picture

Keep in mind that in every case I have seen (myself, many friends, and other younger adults, some of whom have become full blown addicts) if someone wants to smoke or vape weed to the point where it affects you (the parent) then they are not willing to stop and there's nothing you can do to make him stop. The harder you push, the farther underground you'll drive him, the more desperate he will become, the more alienated and persecuted he will feel, and the more he will feel that he NEEDS to smoke.

Equally important to keep in mind is that I do not believe he was "blackmailing" you when he said if he can't smoke weed, he'll do other things. He was trying to let you know that as in the end there's nothing you can ultimately do to force him to stop unless he wants too, if his favorite or main source of escape is taken away from him, he will be driven to other things. Weed is not a gateway drug. Weed is the gate that keeps other things out. Take it away, and he WILL wander and resort to whatever there is.

Also Cannabis is often thought of as being a gate way drug because after actually trying it, people realize that all the propaganda and misinformation being spread because of the war on drug (users) is just that, misinformation and propaganda. Then the next step in most people's logic is that if everything they knew about weed was wrong, then perhaps the same applies to all the other drugs out there. So do NOT confront him by repeating any of the usual arguments, he will simply dismiss those and any others relating to other drugs as just more lies.

Just don't give up on him, support him, realize that he will always be more independent than you would like him to be and that the more you shorten the leash, the harder he'll pull.

The absolute best thing you can do for the both of you and your family right now is to honestly educate yourself on all aspects of cannabis and other drugs he has done. And that means going beyond wikipedia, read some of the actual studies themselves, read news articles, and professional opinions. Your best weapon will be knowledge and open mindedness.

Good luck and don't worry, I'm sure things will get better now that he is in counseling.

MotherWarrior's picture

I smoked marijuana a lot living away from home in college 1968-72. I don't think I learned a thing. I showed up and did stuff, but I didn't learn anything. It definitely affected my brain and motivation. Why go to class when I could hang out and get stoned?

I shudder to think what would have happened had I been smoking every day in high school, as my son did before progressing to cocaine and heroin and pills. I know I would not have made it to college and my two nephews who used it every day in high school barely made it out of high school.

Because of the confusion and tug of war regarding marijuana, one thing you might try is to take all moral judgments away and look at how your child is behaving. Is he respectful? Does he fulfill his commitments? How are his relationships? Is he lying, stealing, not where he says he will be, taking advantage of living at home? Then deal with the behavior as you would if he were not smoking weed. Because it is your home and it is ok for you to have boundaries that protect your sanity so that you can go to work and fulfill your commitments and have healthy relationships yourself. If his weed interferes with that, then it is a problem for the family.

deniro's picture

Well, another session. The whole week I kept thinking why the counselor sent him to the psychiatrist? Did she think that his depression was that bad?
I went to talk with her, and she said that he kept saying that he was not feeling better (just three sessions....)and that he was very worried about a competition he is going to in November and wants to be more focused until there. I told her that I was worried that maybe he just wanted a "legal" drug, and we decided that we were going to try a Psychologist that could do a better evaluation through some tests to see how bad is his depression. I don't think he liked the fact that I told her all that, since then he has been very irritable, angry with everything I tell him, school started and whatever I ask he just give me a yes or no.
I try not to pay attention to the way he look or talk with me, but it hurts.

MotherWarrior's picture

Just keep telling him you love him and compliment him on whatever you possibly can.