shattered
Hi, As I write this my heart is totally broken and shattered. My son now 29 was released from prison in Dec. I/we thought he was changed. He was in prison for things related to drug use. We have helped him in every way we know how. My husband his step father, is a State Trooper, and has been there for my son since day one. Always believed in him and has helped him. We had an apt. waiting for him in our home, we have bought him food, clothing, anything he needed, because he fooled us into believing, yet again, he was a changed person. Today we found that he forged and wrote himself 2 checks each for $150.00 and that a bottle of percocet I had for gallbladder attacks is empty. He is on parole. I tried calling his P.O but it's after hours so I have to wait until the morning. My hope is gone for him. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I am humiliated, ashamed, and so so heart broken, all my hope is gone. What do I do??
Answers
I hope someone on here can give you the answers. We look for answers as well. My husband and I go to Al-Anon meetings every week and see a counselor. We need to start worrying about us. Our sons behavior and drug use has aged us. We are doing everything we can, but there has to be a point that we have to practice Tough Love by kicking them out if they contiue to defy us. I had a brother who took my moms presription drugs and taken money like that too. I would not stand for that, Our son hasnt done that yet because he has a job and I can not see him do that, I know if he did,, there would no question about the consquences of his actions. We have an 11 yr old at home we got to think about, too. I pray for you for the answers. You are not alone.
Dear GMBFLA,
Please know, you are not alone and that there are people who understand what you are experiencing with your son. It is so painful to watch someone you love, especially a child, hurt themselves and continue to make bad decisions despite people who love them and try to help. You mentioned you feel hopeless, angry and ashamed. It is completely understandable to feel this way. I want you to know that. However, I also want to help you gain some hope and perhaps some new techniques that will help you cope with your situation.
First, please keep in mind that just because someone abuses drugs, it doesn't make them a bad person. What I'm trying to say is, drugs causes a person to DO bad things in order to feed their habit, but that is not the same as being a bad person. Your son needs treatment for his Percocet addiction. Is he getting any sort of treatment? Jail is not treatment. Yes, he does have to take responsibility for his actions but that is different than getting help with his drug use. Does he admit to having a problem with Percocet?
It is so important that you get support and have the opportunity to talk with other parents who are experiencing similar situations with their child. I can tell you that people almost never abuse drugs because of something their parents did or didn't do. It is a disease that effects millions. The physical dependence is strong as well as the mental dependence. The good news ( yes, there is some) is that Opioid(Percocet) addiction is extremely treatable. People can obtain their sobriety and lead happy healthy lives. I say this, but it is up to your son to do the work. Love him, but let him know you cannot allow him to continue to steal and cause you and your husband such grief. You need to set boundaries, not to cause him pain or punish him, but to preserve yourself.
I would be happy to talk with you further about this and perhaps find you some local resources for you and your son.
Please don't hesitate to call the Partnership Helpline at: 1-855-378-4373, Monday through Friday 9am-6pm, EST. You can speak directly with a social worker who can better help you.
I hope I hear from you soon.
Johanna Bos, LCSW CASAC
Parent/Substance Abuse Specialist.
Dear KTARABETH: We’re here for you. Your situation is definitely challenging and I can see why you’re so torn. You don’t want to continue supporting/enabling your daughter’s drug problem, yet you worry for the well-being of her daughter – your granddaughter – if your daughter moves out. Have you talked to your daughter about your thoughts and concerns? What was her reaction?
