should I pick him up from the hosptial when I think he should stay?
My 17 year old son is mentally ill (PDD, schizoaffective). He has been at a military boarding school, a wilderness treatment center, and a residential treatment center. He has lived at home and gone to public school with support, and he has gone to schools for kids with learning or social issues. He dropped out of high school during his junior year, and since then has been more and more on streets. He sleeps on couches, doesn't come home, has no job (he sometimes sells those newspapers that homeless people sell). He has stolen bicycles, laptops, ipods, and cell phones from us (his parents and siblings) repeatedly. He experimented increasingly with drugs, and last month started using heroine daily. Last week he signed himself into a crisis center, and was admitted to an acute care unit for adults..not a rehab. They want to transfer him to rehab, but he is refusing, saying he can go straight on his own. We refused to take him home. Now he has found a place to stay with a "friend" who he says is a recovered addict...and he wants me to pick him up at the hospital, which is about an hour away. I don't want to facilitate what I think is a bad decision, but I hate to abandon him...I already struggle with out decision to not let him come home. Am I doing the right thing to not get him? He also asked me for clothes and toiletries for while he is staying at his friends house. Please help me sort out the rights and wrongs.
Answers
Dear Echo,
I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you, right now. Please know, you are not alone! Trying to help your child when they are obviously making the wrong decision is one of the most difficult things to do as a parent. Here is what i can say, your son definitely cannot "get straight" on his own. Many of not most people who use drugs like heroin, thing at one point or another, they can "do it by themselves." The GOOD side to this is that your son wants to stop using heroin but his approach isn't well thought out. I cant help to think that a lot of his lack of decision making skills has something to do with his psychiatric diagnosis and not taking the proper medications. Not being compliant with prescribed psychiatric medications , can complicate things greatly.
I tell parents, always offer food and clothing, never offer money or a place to stay for a child who does not want to fully commit to a recovery plan. Love your child, and know that you are doing everything you can but he has to do things outside of his comfort zone and wont always have people who can help him.
I hope this helps.
Johanna Bos, LCSW CASAC
Parent/Substance Abuse Specialist
