Tough Love
I have a 26 year old daughter who we have been dealing with drugs/stealling (from us, money, anything in the house, jewerly etc.) for 7 years now. I am/have been raising her son since birth. The father who is not with her but is in and out of prison for the last 8 years is just the same. My last encounter was her staying with us for 10 days, thought she was clean and only to find out we were robbed again from her and she is definitely using. I told her to leave and not come back. I cannot go on living this way and having all my things stollen. Is this the right thing to do? oh yea and I have tried everything in the past as far as paying out of pocket for psychiatric help, nothing worked.
Answers
Dealing with the lying when you want to believe them is so hard. My daughter went to rehab a few years ago and I took my 4 year old granddaughter in to live with me. Fast forward a couple of years and I let her move it (my granddaughter is now 7) and she was lazy, used prescription drugs and found a boyfriend. I finally had to tell her she could not stay with me and now she is pregnant. I try to keep my contact with her at a minium. The Alanon program (which I have been going to for many years) really comes into play in helping me cope with this situation. I try to stay where my feet are. I have to detach somewhat or this whole thing would drive me insane. I woke up very sad this morning. Said for her other children who live a apart at different grandparents’ homes and in separate states. She is in the same state now as me and her youngest daughter that I have with me and sometimes I wish she wasn’t so close to home. It was peaceful when I didn’t have to have contact. I love my daughter very much but I think she needs serious help. Yesterday I told her I really didn’t want to be bothered with her until she had a program and she asked me to take her to meetings. Instead I gave her an AA directory. She said I thought you’d take me (she doesn’t have a car) and I said you can find them. I do not want to be in the same car with her right now. Everything coming out of her mouth is fantasy and half truths. I just really really have to practice taking care of myself during this. She is 31 and the age does help a lot for me to enable. I don’t give her any money and I don’t ask her for any to help with her child. I have a lot of resentment towards her so mix love and resentment together and you get overwhelming feelings. I started searching to read some stuff to calm me down and this site seems like a good one. My daughter called me this morning to ask a question. I used text answered her question and said I can’t talk right now. She knows I am at work. I know not to engage right now with all these emotions I am feeling. Looking forward to my Alanon meeting. I hope my sharing helps you. If only to let you know you are not alone. Hang in there and take care of you.
