"EITHER GO TO REHAB OR YOURE GOING TO HOMELESS"

Hi California,

First, I want to tell you how sorry I feel in my heart that you have felt so hopeless that you considered ending your life. The world needs you, Kiddo. You're part of something in humanity that is miraculous...-unexplainable here in this place. 'You'...the exact who that you are, right here and now, (regardless of your addiction challenge or any 'perceived' failing), is part of a vastly larger mechanism -a mechanism that needs you 'here' in order that it functions well-the way it was intended. You have loved ones that want so much for you to have the kind of peace and well being that comes with recovery.

Second, your to be commended for the actions you have taken thus far that so clearly demonstrate your desire to change your path - including making the decision to move yourself out of your prior using environment, across the country, in effort to jump-start your recovery. That's evidence of your deep desire to make positive change. I'm really sorry that you found yourself feeling, in that moment, as though taking your family members prescribed medication was the only option you had. I believe, based on what you share and the spirit you share in, that you know, on a profoundly deep level, that the 'relapse' you experienced is an opportunity to make the kinds of changes you desire. Your family members can help you by locking up medications when they know you will be in their home. If they understand that you are challenged by an addiction, they should also understand why it is important for them to do their part in encouraging your recovery by ensuring that you are not triggered into relapse by easy accessible drugs/medications.

Remember that more often than not relapse is a part of recovery, for the vast majority of people challenged by addiction.

I'm compelled to tell you how incredible your attitude/spirit of, "I am going to problem solve for my circumstances" is. A lot of people that are faced with the challenges that you are do not focus on the road in front of them. Often times it's the case that they are stalled out, looking in the rear view mirror. But, clearly, you have a forward focus...that kind of scope lends to your creative problem solving skill set.
You're investing good, rational thought to your options -and there are 'multiple' options for you...don't doubt it. You're already engaging in the kind of legwork that will get you where you desire to be...to healthier and healthier choices and better lived moments, little by little. And that is the mark of someone who is equipped to make healthy change a reality. "That" is the who that you are. You are NOT your addiction. You have an addiction. But it is not the sum of you. Addiction can be overcome.

Remember that recovery is a long process for the majority of people who are challenged by it. It takes as long as it takes. Think: Persistence rather than insistence. This goes for your family members, too.

You wrote:"I was thinking maybe go get Medically Evaluated and go to Day-Treatment help and meetings, then maybe sign up for school. But they disagree with what I feel I need, in order to help me. "

I'm assuming the 'they' that you are referring to directly above is your family/parent(s)? Unfortunately, California, many parents/family members are not equipped to effectively cope with addiction, thus advocate for their addicted family member in a way that utilizes the strengths of their addicted loved one and the entire family system in increasing momentum in recovery. Often times this is due to a lack of training/preparedness by parents/family members in responding to the challenges/crisis that come with addiction.

'Your' planning, i.e. your mention of engaging medical evaluation, day treatment and possible signing up for school is the mark of someone who is actively advocating for themselves -that's called 'problem solving'. And that IS a plan. While it would be ideal that your family members support you/encourage you toward your planning...it's not necessary that they 'agree' with your approach.. From my personal perspective,(since you welcomed others perspectives), I don't see anything unreasonable about the direction your thinking is aimed. It's not as though you're talking about some approach that is uncommon or that could be considered risky or dangerous. No. You are clearly stating that you are considering a medical evaluation, then day treatment, and further you are planning for your education going forward. There's nothing irrational or unreasonable about that plan. Now, whether it's 'the best plan' for your particular circumstances at this time, no one here in this community can say... and shouldn't say.

Discovering the best plan for your circumstances -.the plan that will serve in moving you closer and closer to sustainable recovery- will come to you by your continuing to show the heart, the effort, and the persistence that you appear to be hard-wired for -especially given the level of challenge you are dealing with. Honestly, what you share above is inspiring in many ways. As you continue to reach out for help, you will ultimately find your way to the kinds of resources that will help you put the plan into increasing action. In the meantime....keep doing exactly what you're doing because it's getting you there.

California, I don’t know what county in Virginia you are presently in...but here is the number to Virgina's Social Services -their temporary housing program etc. Depending on your needs at this time, housing, food, clinical treatment, etc...this would be a valuable number for you to have/explore to see what is available to you in the area. If you're not near Richmond, I'm sure someone at this central intake number could then refer you to the appropriate facilities in your county. (804) 648-4177 Also, here is another listing for the Richmond Behavioral Health Authority in case you want to try that as well (804) 819-4100

Just keep doing what you're doing. You're problem solving with your efforts. Every time you reach out, every time you ponder the potential in a plan or an approach to your challenge, you're increasing your momentum in recovery. That is the very heart beat of recovery. You're already increasing your momentum. Believe it.

You know...Family members, parents in particular, can feel utterly depleted -frustrated/resentful regarding their addicted loved one and their loved one's drug using choices. It's a physically, emotionally and financially draining experience for family members, after all. However, these negative feelings of frustration and resentment take their toll if they are not dealt with effectively. Then, as the toll would have it, there is little quality energy left over to invest in recovery-purposed communications, responses and actions by family members. That's when we hear things like," You can do no more than pray for your child"... Or my personal favorite, "Drop 'em at a homeless shelter". These are examples of seriously misguided responses/attitudes concerning the challenges of addiction by family members, as well as collective society. This kind of response/attitude only adds to the stigma that individuals with addition, as well as their family members, face. It adds up to barriers in recovery. But, when we learn better, we respond better.

Our culture is in the midst of a shift in a positive direction in term of attitudes about addiction, thanks to more recent advances in medical/neurological based sciences. Addiction is not a moral or a spiritual failing. It's a maladaptive pattern of coping with feelings of anxiety/stress very commonly associated with dysfunction rooted in our family of origin/our family system. When families learn better about how to interact in a healthy way that encourages each, separate family members' emotional/psychological growth and well being we see less of a tendency to cope via alcohol or other substances.

If I am understanding correctly the core of what you share above with regard to family support, you mention not feeling 'listened to' in your family system...You share that there is an underlying issue at the root of your choices to use, but that your family is hesitant to consider this. You're probably right on target to consider that your drug use is a symptom of a larger issue. And, it's important, too, that you explore the potential that you may have a secondary mental health challenge, like depression. That's extremely common, as you probably already know. But, addiction and depression can be very effectively treated. It takes time.And both must be addressed in order to accomplish and sustain momentum in recovery.

One of the ways we unknowingly sabotage ourselves in regard to recovery (whether we are the family member or the one addicted) is by having unreasonable expectations and rigid 'musts' that are not appropriate, or that are not recovery-purposed for OUR particular circumstances. One size treatment/support will not fit all. So try something else when what you're doing is not resulting in increasing your momentum and sense of self efficacy (self efficacy is the belief we hold that we can cope and problem solve no matter what our circumstances may be). We are not powerless in affecting healthy change for ourselves. We are not powerless to facilitate and inspire positive change in others. Never have been...never will be.

Chances are, California, that your parents/family have been severely impacted by your choices. And they may be 'feeling' powerless to help you. But it is also usually the case that the family system has, in some way, contributed to the drug use/continued drug use of its family member(s). That's why it’s ideal that the entire family, not just the individual family member with addiction, become educated about all aspects of addiction.

It seems like you already know, instinctively, based on what you share above that your parents/family could likely discover, and then strengthen their own skill set in advocating on your behalf if they 'tuned in' better to the underlying issues that are, to some degree, contributing to your choice to self medicate. That education/'treatment' can occur in various ways...self help resources, publications on family systems, actual 'whole family' therapy conducted by a licensed clinician with a broad background/experience in addicted family systems...the list goes on.

There are options. Encourage your parents/your extended family members to learn about addiction from multiple sources and explore all the options available in terms of peer support and treatments. But, remember that you don't need their approval in order that you facilitate your own recovery.

One size treatment will never fit all people/families because no single family or individual cope with their feelings in the same way. Again, ideally, the entire family should address feelings of anger/resentment etc. Though these feelings in response to addiction are valid, they present as road block for the family's journey in becoming the best advocate possible for their addicted loved one. And even more important, anger/resentments left unaddressed add burden to the recovering person's journey.

Addiction...the family problems, legal problems and draining emotional stress can convince pretty much any parent or family member that they are powerless to encourage positive change in their addicted loved one. So much of the time parents/family members are under the misguided impression that they need only allow their addicted son/daughter/spouse to 'hit bottom', or to 'figure it out for themselves', 'do nothing for your child' , let then 'suffer the consequences' -the list goes on. They have been instructed/advised by well intended peers (and some clinicians, perhaps) to allow the addicted person to 'hit bottom', else they be considered 'enablers'...that their response to their addicted loved one should be that they just 'take care of themselves'. These are all examples of what are common, misguided, albeit well intended notions about addiction.

It takes work/education by every family member in order to utilize the very best of the innate ability we All have for increasing momentum in sustainable recovery. That said...It's also so very important for you, California, to continue believing with your whole heart and mind that you can attain sustainable recovery, even if the spirit of support from your parents/family is absent, or is otherwise not ideal. Remember that they have been through so much and they are in a learning process too.
California...please be mindful about taking on board other people's hope-depleted, negative 'projections'. Friends, family members and even complete strangers with the best of intent can inadvertently saddle you with their own personal baggage, packaged as ‘ insight and guidance’. Any time someone responds to your heartfelt attempt to reach out, share your experience and increase your sense of self efficacy and problem solving ability with some kind of comment/response that is but a thinly veiled criticism of you, or your efforts, that's your cue to set your sights to another source that will inspire/encourage you in your journey. These sources are out there....everywhere. So…be choosy/picky.

I'm the mom of an incredible son in long term recovery. It took me years of research and studying and applying what it is I learned...lots of trial and error. I applied many, many well intended, homogenized, and what turned out to be inappropriate-for-our-circumstances advisements all along the way. Some of those advisements we acted on could have ended in catastrophic consequences. Thankfully our son made it through our misguided responses to his addiction long enough for us to learn what we 'could do', as opposed to focusing on what we 'couldn't do' to help him.

In pairing it down to its simplest form: The most valuable thing I learned as a parent was to 'listen better' to my kid challenged by addiction...to validate his thoughts and feelings. I mean...really LISTEN. When I did that 'consistently', it was no coincidence that my son began increasing his own momentum in recovery... Equally, the family system discovered a strength and depth of love for one another that we didn't fully realize we had.

I will be thinking about you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep on keepin on. Addiction is the journey. Recovery is the destination.

Engaging tools and resources that are cognitive behaviorally based helped my son/helped my family the most. Here are a couple of links to a wonderful recovery resource:

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/urgenthelp.htm
http://www.smartrecovery.org/

California, in addition to the Richmond area numbers I listed above, and the links directly above for SMART Recovery, here are some links that I think you might could benefit by in exploring:

http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/
http://www.recoveryhelpdesk.com/2012/04/20/typical-non-addict-thinking-t...