Help with the guilt
There are two things dogging me at this time: First, what's my part in all of this? I am the parent of an addict, who is currently in treatment. I keep struggling with guilt. I am in counseling, and I know I need to get to an al-anon meeting, but it still hasn't completely gotten me away from horrible guilt feelings, Second, I keep wondering if I am doing anything to enable my son's addiction. I want to get off of that whole line of thinking, and get back to me. Some days just getting out of the house seems impossible...much less getting to meetings.
Answers
Dear Journey2freedom,
It is understandable that you want to blame yourself for your son's addiction, we as parents want to take the burden upon ourselves and it is instinctual to protect our kids, however, your son's addiction is not your fault! Addiction is a disease that can happen to anyone and people don't become addicted because of something their parents did or didn't do. While you may not to hold your son responsible for his addiction, you need to hold him responsible for his recovery. Addiction affects the entire family and it is important that you receive counseling for your feelings as well. You mentioned you don't have the time always to attend support groups, there are several support groups that occur on line, Compassionate Friends (http://thecompassionatefriendsfw.com).
Try to remember, we are only responsible for ourselves and we cannot take on other people's responses to our actions.
Hope this helps.
Johanna Bos, LCSW CASAC
Oh don't I know what you are talking about my friend. My son is an addict and my husband sit around and wonder where we went wrong...we took him to church, always told him the dangers of drugs, and taught him right from wrong and here we have to face up to the fact that he is an addict. We don't even trust him anymore. He is in treatment, but still believe he is using. We went to one Al-Anon meeting, although it was different, I believe its a place to go for help. I havent been taking care of myslef. I was spending most my nights worrying, crying, and praying, while my son could care less about what my husband or I was going through. I have an 11 year old too, so we have to be there for him so I am now slowly taking care of myself again. It doesnt mean I have given up on him, but I am no longer an enabler. I stopped giving him money and he has to obey the rules of our house or he will be out on the street. At one time, I cried for 2 days just thinking about him all alone, but sometimes its the very thing that will make him climb back up. Please take care of yourself. We are NOT responsible for our kids actions. It took me awhile, but my husband and I are now trying to enjoy each other again, at least we can have a conversation now about something other than my son the addict. My best to you!
