Doing things the right way.
The reason why people need to seek professional help or educate themselves as much as they possibly can is so they can live life again. Living life again you might say. Yes live life again. Not living life and enjoying everything around you because you have dedicated your life to save someone who does not want saving yet, so you ride the merry-go-round of disappointment after disappointment. People you can not change someone who does not want to change. You cannot make someone do what they do not want to do. You can however change yourself and your way of doing things that will help you live again and other things will fall into place. This is something that does not happen over night it takes time, practice, and patients.
Here's some info from the book Choices and Consequences What to do When a Teenager Uses Alcohol, Drugs A Step-by-Step System That Really Works by Dick Schaefer
The adolescent delusional system
1. denial (refusing to recognize or accept reality)
2. projection (trying to make other people, places, or things responsible for one's unacceptable behavior; unloading one's self-hatred onto others)
3. rationalization (inventing excuses to make one's unacceptable behavior seem acceptable)
4. minimizing (trying to make something look less than it is)
Does this sound at all familiar. So here is our role when this happens and how we enable for this behavior to continue.
1. Provoker (nagging, bitching, judging, harping, coaxing, reminding)
2. Rescuers (one more chance, covering bounced checks, bailing them out of jail, paying cost of vandalism, stealing, or shoplifting, making excuses for behaviors etc.)
3. Victims (feeling sorry for one's self, guilt, complaining,become isolated, regretting, resenting, etc)
Does this sound at all sound familiar. So how do we change this role we never purposely played. No parent does this intentionally. How do we stop this never ending ride of hurt, let down, diminshing health on all parties involved, guilt, fear, neglect of ourselves and others in our life. GO GET HELP FOR YOURSELF NOT YOUR ADDICT.
You can not save anyone if you cannot even think right. You cannot change someone. You change yourself so you can handle what comes your way. Don't fool yourselves, you cannot control something that does not want to be controlled. Quit wasting time trying. You are wasting time and your child is getting sicker if you don't start doing things the right way. Start by getting help from professionals who specialize in substance abuse. Join a group so you feel normal and not so alone. Read book after book and arm yourself with education so you can do what you have to the right way not the wrong way and so you don't second guess yourself. But, the first thing you need to do is look after yourself. You will learn this in everything you read because it works. Learn setting limits and live it.(I made a list called setting limits, it's on my profile.) I hope this helps for anyone who is starting out.
Here's a saying I learned from this book. If you sit on the burner you have to sit on the blisters. lol but so true.