I miss my son...
My son is in his 3rd Rehab and I am sure he is up to something from the phone conversation I had with him. He is lying and has been caught in the lie he just don’t know it yet. Last night I found a letter he was writing to his ex-girlfriend and fellow drug user while he was in his 1st Rehab program, I have included the following excerpts:
“Recovery is tough not easy by any means but using only numbs the pain and all the problems don’t’ go away.”
“The addict Jimmy was making poor decision and I chose to continue my terrible drug habit every day.”
“The best thing you can do is stay away from people who still use and to focus on yourself and dealing with the problems that still bother you.”
“Working on understanding why things went the way they didn’t and use that as a driving factor to stay clean.”
“I was no longer a good person; I made poor decision every day that I regret.”
At some point it sounds like he had a desire to change but now I’m not so sure. It’s hard to tell the lie’s from the truth so I have to check out everything he tells me and so far almost everything has been a lie.
He latest lie has him trying to get out of Rehab for a couple of day to appear in court, he doesn’t have to be there, he’s lawyer will be there on his behalf.
My questions to him are what are up to now, what are you planning? To tell him that I know that he doesn’t have to be in court so why the lies? Does he realize that if he doesn’t complete this program he will go to prison, that this is his last chance? Does he know what this is doing to his father and me and does he care?
If he leaves all financial help form us STOP’s the minute he leaves. We will never stop loving him but we can’t do this, he is destroying us too. He has to admit and accept that he has a problem with drugs and the he lies to himself and us. We are all he has, he has NO ONE else, don’t blow that too. We love him.
My heart is breaking, while I sit here and wait for the phone to ring.