I miss my son...

I miss my son...

HailMary's picture
2 comments Editor's Choice

My son is in his 3rd Rehab and I am sure he is up to something from the phone conversation I had with him. He is lying and has been caught in the lie he just don’t know it yet. Last night I found a letter he was writing to his ex-girlfriend and fellow drug user while he was in his 1st Rehab program, I have included the following excerpts:

“Recovery is tough not easy by any means but using only numbs the pain and all the problems don’t’ go away.”

“The addict Jimmy was making poor decision and I chose to continue my terrible drug habit every day.”

“The best thing you can do is stay away from people who still use and to focus on yourself and dealing with the problems that still bother you.”

“Working on understanding why things went the way they didn’t and use that as a driving factor to stay clean.”

“I was no longer a good person; I made poor decision every day that I regret.”

At some point it sounds like he had a desire to change but now I’m not so sure. It’s hard to tell the lie’s from the truth so I have to check out everything he tells me and so far almost everything has been a lie.

He latest lie has him trying to get out of Rehab for a couple of day to appear in court, he doesn’t have to be there, he’s lawyer will be there on his behalf.

My questions to him are what are up to now, what are you planning? To tell him that I know that he doesn’t have to be in court so why the lies? Does he realize that if he doesn’t complete this program he will go to prison, that this is his last chance? Does he know what this is doing to his father and me and does he care?

If he leaves all financial help form us STOP’s the minute he leaves. We will never stop loving him but we can’t do this, he is destroying us too. He has to admit and accept that he has a problem with drugs and the he lies to himself and us. We are all he has, he has NO ONE else, don’t blow that too. We love him.

My heart is breaking, while I sit here and wait for the phone to ring.

User Comments

mysonisanaddict's picture

you sound just like me a few weeks ago.
The best thing i did, was to SROP looking for his mistakes. Because once you find them, you're compelled to fix them.
The best thing you can do, is to take care of you. And not your son. If you let him be, let him find his own rehab, find his own job, find his own lawyer, find his own way, but still love him from a distance you will be set free of the constant worry.
I spent countless hours, hacking emails, hacking Facebook, sifting through his stuff, and would always find something that would tear me apart. and then try to question him about it.... it only made me miserable, anxious, codependent.....
Im not saying I am cured of the obsession to fix things, I am just finally realizing that I feel better when I don't.
take care of yOU was the best advice i ever listened to.
I hope and pray for your serenity, your sons, is up to him!

Firefly's picture

MYSONISANADDICT is absolutely correct. You need to get on with your life. By continuing with your actions you are enabling him. You do need to cut him off financially. You do have to just stand back and live your life. No 1 step for your addict to chose help for himself is for you to help yourself. Start by seeing a councilor who specializes in substance abuse. Do what they tell you to do. Your changes in life will start his changes in life. I did the same as you and MYSONISANADDICT and I wish I would have listened sooner. I wish my councilor would have hit me on the head with a hammer and yelled why don't you listen. lol It would have sped up the process a whole lot quicker. Read as much info on addicts, and recovery you can possibly find. Read others stories etc on this site. Also I tell everyone to do this, read on this site 7 truths about my addict that took 5 years to learn. There is hope and you are not alone. Focus on yourself and other people in your life. It's not selfish. He has chosen his path and you need to chose your path. He will only get true help when he decides to. Until then you will ride the merry-go-round of disappointment, if you chose to continue what you are doing right now.