I feel like a new person
Ever since I got out of my first na meeting this Thursday I feel so much different. I new I had a bad problem and have been clean for a decent amount of time but I always blamed other reasons for why my problem was so bad and now I realize. I'm the problem I've finally gave in on thur. With my suboxone treatment and going to na I think that I will never relapse again bc I have people I can call and will be here or talk to me to help me never pick up again.
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I am truly so glad you are excited about life again!!! I can say that I was on suboxone for about 2 yrs and would relapse over and over but everytime I did, my butt would go to a mtg the next day and share my feelings and I would be just like you are right now! I've tried staying clean without the sub and I could never get more than a month or 2 together of clean time. Do you have a NA book? That truly is a helpful tool and everything you read you will totally relate! I finally got serious after my stay at the mental facility, (I'm not crazy) and have stayed clean for close to 5 yrs now. If you could've have seen the hell I put myself through in active addiction, omg I was a mess!!!! Check this website out if you aren't familiar with it, suboxonetalkzone.com, this is a forum for people on suboxone in recovery or looking for recovery, it's a really good site for ppl like us. You know Ryan, I truly didn't think I'd ever get clean, I thought that I was so far gone, the opioids had such a hold on me, I lost EVERYTHING but I look at how far I am today and I can't believe that this was possible! Stick in there, you can't go anywhere but up from here, as long as you don't pick up again.
I did get a na book the people gave it to me bc I don't have any money to buy one. I've read about half of it so far.I can relate to all of it. I've also lost EVERYTHING this last time I relapsed. Even on my subs I still want more then I'm suppose to have and I find myself taking more for no reason. How do u control how much u take. Right now I'm on 3 but I used to take 4 and I like to take 4 everyday so to just take 3 is hard for me to do.
Is it typical to feel so lonely and depressed? Does this part go away bc I've always feel like this even when I'm on the right track with my sub. I tend to set goals for myself I know I could never reach. Feed back anyone...
I think it's typical to feel that way. Your life was surrounded by the world of addiction and that world keeps you busy, your mind always focused on using. Your disease was your best friend(does that make sense?) now you have to find healthier ways to live, and sure it can be lonely. Use your NA group, I use to go to 3 mtgs a day if I had to, jus to keep my mind off the obsession of using. Hit a morning AA mtg then go to a Night NA mtg, that always gave me something to look forward to. Think about how the opioids have changed the chemistry of your brain. It takes awhile for our brains to adjust back to the way it used to work. Oh and the subs, yeah you sound jus like me, it's hard to take the amount prescribed, I get the pharm to fill a 10 day supply then I go back get 10 day more, then 10 more. That helps you not have so many at one time. Good luck !!
Check out that suboxonetalkzone website, you will find a lot of ppl there that will help!!!
Ryan and Tolleygirl, so glad you have found each other as you really have gone through such a similar situation. A miracle really. And Ryan, just as Tolleygirl says - one person sharing with another person is how sobriety gets started.
Also, feeling lonely and depressed is expected at this point. You will go from being so exhilarated of having found hope and sobriety to feelings of depression and wondering what it all means. Your brain and hormones are all out of whack because of the drugs you took and could have been out of balance even before you started. But like Tolleygirl says, just go to meetings. I have been going to meetings for 14 years now, and I think 99% of the time I have always felt better after attending a meeting.
Also, as addicts we don't want to feel negative feelings and we feel very uncomfortable feeling anything negative. That's why we used. It's taken me a long long time to be ok feeling sad and depressed. I know now that if I just keep on putting one foot in front of the other and keep on going to my meetings things will get better. I know that because that's what I've done for 14 years, through lots of tough times- and it has always worked.
Don't loose hope Ryan, just keep going to meetings and I assure you things will get better,
You are in my prayers
Pernilla
Thank u pernilla and tolley girl. I've been going to my meetings and things are getting better. I have the book just for today and they read jan 1 tx 60 and that's like my favorite. Its about vigilance. Also the saying one is to many and a thousand is never enough so true but I've never thought of it like that. Thanks ill keep everyone updated.
Ok, great to hear. Thank you Ryan for keeping me sober another day. Pernilla
I'm so glad to hear how great things are going. I was always told if we chase recovery like we did our drugs we would remain sober. I'm so glad to see you hanging in there and going to mtgs. You never know what you will hear in a mtg and I seemed to always feel better too after I went. Oh there were days when I was feeling depressed and didn't want to leave my house, but I had to remember that the disease trying to keep me away from the help that I needed. Keep us posted!!
I really hope things are well, haven't seen you write any more entries recently. It's so easy for us to start something and it can get old quick, I've been trying to get back into suboxonetalkzone.com where there's a variety of recovering addicts who are in the same situation we are in. Take care!
